Lowther's Robin Hood Rewrite Model (yours will and should be different!)
Hanging out with his band of Merry Men in the forest, Robin Hood felt a familiar stab of hunger within his stomach. Voraciously, he looked around his camp site in search of something that would soothe his eager appetite. Realizing there was no food to be found, Robin Hood gathered his friends together and proclaimed,
“Friends, we have no food here, but I feel it is a good day for donuts. Does anyone have a solution to our dilemma?”
Friar Tuck, the perpetually hungry monk and Robin Hood’s best friend, perked up at the suggestion of donuts and confidently suggested,
“Let’s go to Disney World! They have copious amounts of donuts from all different cultures: Moroccan, English, Chinese, Mexican…even French!”
The chubby monk’s invoking of multicultural pastry opportunities caused involuntary drooling from the band of Merry Men. They excitedly agreed with Friar Tuck’s idea:
“Sounds great!...Let’s go!...I’ll drive the wagon! Bring my new bow and arrow! Let’s steal donuts from the rich and give to the poor!”
Suddenly, Maid Marian, Robin Hood’s beautiful, yet headstrong life partner, emerged from the glade of trees in which she slept. Hearing the commotion, the lovely lady admonished the rough brutes,
“Would you all kindly refrain from yelling and shouting so early in the morning? Some of us are trying to get some rest. What is so exciting?”
“We’re heading off to Disney World to surreptitiously abscond with some tasty multicultural donuts!” her foxy beau exclaimed.
“Do you mean to tell me that you are leaving me here, alone in the woods, while you and your friends traipse off to an amusement park for breakfast? And you didn’t even ask me to join you?” Maid Marian’s normally pale face flushed with impending rage.
“Well…we just…um…” Robin Hood stammered.
“If this is how you’re going to treat me, then we are through! I will return all the gifts you looted for me from the rich. I will not be a part of this spurious love sham any longer!” With a flick of her long, velvet green dress, Maid Marian spun around, her form cutting through the bramble as swift as an aerodynamic sword forged from the sleekest Valyrian steel.
Robin Hood lunged after her, fell to his knees and tenaciously gripped the hem of her dress, not wishing to lose the only spark of beauty in his troubled life.
“I know my love is an onerous burden to you, Maid Marian, but please don’t leave! I’ll do anything to make you stay!” he sputtered, desperate to keep her from breaking his heart.
“Give up this foolish quest to steal donuts from Disney World and stay with me here in Sherwood Forest. We can be happy together, dining on a light breakfast of quail eggs and fruit from the orchard in the next row over there.” She gestured to a sunny spot, already planning their romantic picnic near the babbling stream under a sun-lit apple tree.
Robin Hood thought for a moment, then stood up and brushed off dry leaves from his rough and dirty cloak.
“My love,” the determined fox began, “I am tired of your officious way of ‘helping’ me run my band of Merry Men. I love you, but I love donuts more.”
With this parting statement to the flummoxed Maid Marian, Robin Hood trotted over to the wagon in which his comrades had been watching with great anticipation, hoisted himself up on the driver’s seat, and drove his band of Merry Men out of the forest and toward the biggest sugar-high of their lives.
“Onward, brave men,” Robin Hood rallied, “to find donuts in the happiest place on Earth (and maybe coffee…and some crispy bacon…and a frosty glass of orange juice…)!”
That was the last Maid Marian saw of Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. She eventually left the forest, became an accountant for “Castles ‘R’ Us”, and lived a placid, donut-free life, only occasionally feeling a twinge of regret while thinking of her lost love, his daring lifestyle, and wondering of all the multicultural donuts they might have shared together.
Hanging out with his band of Merry Men in the forest, Robin Hood felt a familiar stab of hunger within his stomach. Voraciously, he looked around his camp site in search of something that would soothe his eager appetite. Realizing there was no food to be found, Robin Hood gathered his friends together and proclaimed,
“Friends, we have no food here, but I feel it is a good day for donuts. Does anyone have a solution to our dilemma?”
Friar Tuck, the perpetually hungry monk and Robin Hood’s best friend, perked up at the suggestion of donuts and confidently suggested,
“Let’s go to Disney World! They have copious amounts of donuts from all different cultures: Moroccan, English, Chinese, Mexican…even French!”
The chubby monk’s invoking of multicultural pastry opportunities caused involuntary drooling from the band of Merry Men. They excitedly agreed with Friar Tuck’s idea:
“Sounds great!...Let’s go!...I’ll drive the wagon! Bring my new bow and arrow! Let’s steal donuts from the rich and give to the poor!”
Suddenly, Maid Marian, Robin Hood’s beautiful, yet headstrong life partner, emerged from the glade of trees in which she slept. Hearing the commotion, the lovely lady admonished the rough brutes,
“Would you all kindly refrain from yelling and shouting so early in the morning? Some of us are trying to get some rest. What is so exciting?”
“We’re heading off to Disney World to surreptitiously abscond with some tasty multicultural donuts!” her foxy beau exclaimed.
“Do you mean to tell me that you are leaving me here, alone in the woods, while you and your friends traipse off to an amusement park for breakfast? And you didn’t even ask me to join you?” Maid Marian’s normally pale face flushed with impending rage.
“Well…we just…um…” Robin Hood stammered.
“If this is how you’re going to treat me, then we are through! I will return all the gifts you looted for me from the rich. I will not be a part of this spurious love sham any longer!” With a flick of her long, velvet green dress, Maid Marian spun around, her form cutting through the bramble as swift as an aerodynamic sword forged from the sleekest Valyrian steel.
Robin Hood lunged after her, fell to his knees and tenaciously gripped the hem of her dress, not wishing to lose the only spark of beauty in his troubled life.
“I know my love is an onerous burden to you, Maid Marian, but please don’t leave! I’ll do anything to make you stay!” he sputtered, desperate to keep her from breaking his heart.
“Give up this foolish quest to steal donuts from Disney World and stay with me here in Sherwood Forest. We can be happy together, dining on a light breakfast of quail eggs and fruit from the orchard in the next row over there.” She gestured to a sunny spot, already planning their romantic picnic near the babbling stream under a sun-lit apple tree.
Robin Hood thought for a moment, then stood up and brushed off dry leaves from his rough and dirty cloak.
“My love,” the determined fox began, “I am tired of your officious way of ‘helping’ me run my band of Merry Men. I love you, but I love donuts more.”
With this parting statement to the flummoxed Maid Marian, Robin Hood trotted over to the wagon in which his comrades had been watching with great anticipation, hoisted himself up on the driver’s seat, and drove his band of Merry Men out of the forest and toward the biggest sugar-high of their lives.
“Onward, brave men,” Robin Hood rallied, “to find donuts in the happiest place on Earth (and maybe coffee…and some crispy bacon…and a frosty glass of orange juice…)!”
That was the last Maid Marian saw of Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. She eventually left the forest, became an accountant for “Castles ‘R’ Us”, and lived a placid, donut-free life, only occasionally feeling a twinge of regret while thinking of her lost love, his daring lifestyle, and wondering of all the multicultural donuts they might have shared together.
